Tuesday, February 27, 2007
as i was sitting here,i was just pondering about life for me.frens are drifting way apart from me.those ppl whom i once was close with now seems to be pretty much far apart.before sean left,me him and ceon sat down in sean's house and started to talk bout how they felt about me.it looks like i was far far far far worse than even be an average person.looking back at wat they told me,i cant help but just smile.am i really that bad of a person?i guess i am.i can count my frens with a calculator,yes many to be named,but how many take me as a fren in return?
all of them?nope.obviously not.half?once again,no...a quater?i seriously doubt so.10?stil to hard to say.how bout none?looking at the situation rite now??i guess that's the only answer available.looking at myself,i know deep down i am not who i think i am..i am worse,way way worse than who i thought i was.frens are deserting me one-by-one..i cant blame them.the only one to be blamed is no other than me,myself and i.i guess its time for me to at least try to change.sitting here made me realised that.no wonder most of them calls me a b*****d.i dun blame them,honestly i dunt.i might just as well thank them.for making me know who i really am.
back to reality..wait.that was reality!so back to the main topic.i think i need to see a doctor.to stop all these sickness in me.i juz cant stand waking up everynite to throw up.i need to stop it.well god bless me.hopefully all these fever,throwing up isnt a symptom of HIV/AIDS or cancer. =)
i'm getting tired.tired of what i dont know.maybe sick and tired...
p/s:many ppl asked me to stop the thing that i am doing.i promise to these ppl.final stick and i swear to god,after this,none of this thing will ever be touched by me.
*a lil sumthing for u ppl out there.. =)*
Monday, February 26, 2007
seen in different eyes,
with very different sighs,
to one as cold as ice,
to some as hot as spice,
to answer to love,
is to have loved,
and be loved
it pulls people together,
it tears people apart,
it taste the sweetness of honey,
it taste the bitterness of bile,
it is the beauty of autumn,
the heat of summer,
the joy of spring,
yet the solemness of winter
it leads and brightens the path,
yet it darkens your ways,
love can enlighten,
the way it blocks,
love can heal,
the way it hurts,
it can be the ocean,
yet a crumbled rock
it flows through time,
ignorant of space and death,
as a river flows,
as the blood flows,
yet as the river flows by rain,
and as blood flows by heart,
love will end,
yet it seems to last
love is forgiveness,
yet is hatred,
as it is holding on,
yet letting go,
as it goes on,
must it stop,
to know love,
is to have enjoyed love,
yet to have been hurt by it
full of betrayal,
full of strength,
the bitterness of love,
through change and time,
unlikely to sway,
yet chnanging like the weather,
to know love is to have cried for love,
is to have died for love,
but yet survived because of love
as we know not ourselves,
we may not know love,
the greatest gift to men,
yet the worst condemnation,
this is love, true love,
the secret of ethernity
where yesterday past too soon,
that you never knew it came,
did you stop to look?
There are times in life,
where the song finished too soon,
that you never heard its chorus
did you stop to listen?
There are times in life,
where you just let go too fast,
that you never knew you held it,
did you stop to ponder?
There are times in life,
where the show ended too soon,
That you never saw the climax,
did you ever stop to watch?
There are times in life,
where you knew would never repeat,
but you knew you never wanted it to end,
did you ever stop it?
The song plays its tunes,
but we keep on walking,
keep on running,
never pausing a step,
never pausing a beat,
until its is over
We tried so hard to find,
the pieces we ourselves hide,
yet we never knew,
the real tune to the song,
we so dearly want to hear,
we so badly want to dance
we seek for love,
we despise hate,
yet we repell love,
we appeal hate,
is this the cause to run?
What more can we offer,
when we ourselvs don't know,
don't know why we do not stop,
why we run.
We move in circles,
only to find we are back to one,
with nothing on our hands,
but dirt and blood,
but all we left behind,
was love and dance
I'd like to learn, i'd like to change
Coz everytime i see you smiling back at me
It breaks my heart for i wished i cared for you
Even though its just your picture in a frame
I know you now have someone now
Someone much better than i could ever be
Someone much better than i would ever be
That someone that isn't me
A part of me wishes you the best
As all i want is your happiness
A part of me wants you selfishely
As all i want is to make you happy
When will it ever cease
This infatuation i have for her
When i know its time to move on
When i know its time to carry on
I love her so much
And i want her by my side
I need her so much
As i pray and cry every night
So someone please guide me
Someone please help me
To leave her be with her happiness as i wished it to
Let me love her unselfishly...
"Ending a relationship is just like
having the worst nightmare after having the best
"We cannot beg someone to stay if they want
to leave and be withsomeone else. We have to
admit that love doesn't give us the license to own
a person. This is what love means...sacrifice."
"Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we
love without wanting to. Though that doesnt
that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped
to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to
say I love you."
"Some people say the worst way to miss
someone is when they are right next to you and
you know you can't have them, but it's worse
when you thought you didn't want them anymore
and then all of a sudden you realize you can't live
"Deep in my heart, I'm suffering, knowing
that I've lost you. On the outside, I'm living,
pretending that I've forgotten you."
"A failing love is like desperately hanging on to
something precious; not wanting to give up, but
your hands feel the pain.And, when you finally
go, you're free from any pain, but your hands are
"How can I promise you forever when tomorrow
is so far away from me?How can I dry your
when I have a bleeding heart inside of me? How
can I ever forget you when your name is etched
so deep within me?"
"They say no matter how dark the night is, the
sun always rises again ... I say lost love makes
one realize that no matter how bright the day is,
the sun will always set again."
"A heart breaking isn't always as loud as a
bomb exploding.. Sometimes it can be as quiet
as a feather falling.. And the most painful thing is,
no one really hears it, except you.."
"Who do you run to when the only person who
can make you stop crying, is exactly the one
who is making you cry?"
with all these things,does it really explaings true love?i hope it does..and i hope someday,somebody will juz walk up to me and answer the question that has been in my mind since my "perfect some1" left my world..
"why is it that everytime i find someone i truly,deeply love,we always end up being friends?when will all this end?will i ever have a happy ending to brag about?"
As long as i can dream,
as long as i can think,
as long as i have a memory,
i will love you
As long as i have eyes to see,
as long as i have ears to hear,
as long as i have lips to speak,
i will love you.
As long as i have a heart to feel,
as long as i have a soul stirring within me,
as long as i have an imagination of holding you,
i will love you.
As long as there is time,
as long as there is love,
as long as there is you,
as long as i have the breat to speak your name,
even if its the last breath of my life,
i will still love you....
because i love you more than anything else in this world...
today i was literally a dead man walking.i had to literally be dragged ouuta bed juz to go to coll..dunt blame me.i'm stil in the holiday mood and no one(in coll) ca deny that they are..trust me.not a single soul alive would want to be back wroking/studying at this time(after all those mandarin oranges,mahjongs and also gamblings..).
had to be in coll at 8 for the UFP induction.guess wat?just like all other "newbies" in coll,they were innocent looking..the only thing was they were more innocent than the previous bunch.not bad."give them a week, and a week later we shall see all the devils walking amongst them and then we shall then decide if they are as innocent as claimed now..".i quote jason..these were his words.not bad..i used to be like that..innocent the 1st day,devil by the next onwards..
anyway,i really didnt enjoy the meeting today.was feeling very sick and i threw up once again,juz like any other day,several times..but then again,i got used to it already..so no complains..
after all those meeting wif CSO-RSO and also chung seng for the Mr. and Miss Metro thingy, i asked andy to fetch me up.he came...with jason =)
we then headed to McD,sat there for bout an hour or so,and then we then moved to rack..several hours of pool,i got tired and decided to work on the forms and also the flyers..its done(except the flyers) and now here i am updating..wondering when can i ever do all this updating at home..?phone line is up(finally!!!!!) and now juz waiting for the wi-fi to be set up.hopefully it can be done BEFORE i leave for Aust.. =).. anyway god bless u ppl out there and enjoy the remainder of CNY..god bless and bless me even more..thanx guys..btw,wont be updating for some time soon.gonna be busy and a whole lot of ppl will be "butt-f***ing" me..so yea..
its time to play play play!!! =)
p/s:to those who are wondering why the reviews of year 2006 has been stopped,its becuz i cant seem to locate the photos,or i seem to have forgotten wat happened in the following month..forgive me but i promise u it will be up..take care adios guys!!
Friday, February 23, 2007
i've recently juz shifted house and juz like all other new houses,it doesnt have a phoneline(yet!!!!).due to this factor i havent been able to online.wat has happened since my previous post?
i spent doing nothing much other than preparing for CNY and also to fully load everything from my old house to my new one.other than that things has been juz the way it was..nothing new,good,or bad..
honestly,i dun really enjoy february '07 due to the fact i lost 2 of the few most important person to me.firstly i lost someone(no names will be named to protect several things) extremely special for me to god.
this particular person left me juz a couple of days b4 chinese new year.i got the dreaded news from the mother of this particular person.wat caused her to "leave"?a long long time of brain cancer.no further elaboration on this.all i can say is this particular person used to be the breath of mine,my sun and also everything to me.my only regret was not spending time wif her that often since all those shit happened years ago..now that she's gone,there's nothing else i can do.all i can do now is juz to pray for her soul and that she be happy in god's hands.*dear girl,wherever u are,god bless u always.no matter how far u are from me,i;ll always have u in my heart and that no matter where u are,i hope u hear these words from my heart..i'll miss u..in fact,i already am..thanx for the watch..here's a lil' sumthing for u..thanx marco for introducing this song to me..*
the second person was like a brother to me.he left,but to further his studies in perth.this was the nicest guy on earth,a person whose shoulder will be there for anyone at anytime at all..this was the person i know i will never have any regrets knowing..a person i know i can hang on to when i need someone.a person who i know can really and willing to help out at anytime at all..to sean low..this particular paragraph is for u..i'll be seeing u soon in sdyney in july and we shall go and ruin ken lim's life in sdyney!wuahahhahahah!!!
other than ppl leaving me(the sad case), there was a few happy moments as well..had a small house warming party in my new cribs(where according to many,i got pissed drunk) and also a small gathering at jason's place the day after..not forgetting the many angpaos that i collected..=P
coll starting soon.busy times ahead now that many events are getting closer and so much things to do..studies will juz get tougher as times passes by and i now do not know if i can cope with all these things thrown at me..but watever it is,i hope i;ll be strong enuff to handle these..
in case u guys were wondering why i can stil update my blog,its because i;m doing it in FTZ..=P and oh guys,happy cny!! =)
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
life been treating me fairly OK lately..nothing much,juz a couple moments of exam stress but besides that,things are doing fine..btw,joe left.joe as in "THOR JOE HOCK BY NIGHT" joe..yeah!that joe..honestly,i missed him loads.i bet the others are too esp seanieboy and also kinky danker..i missed those times that where we crash his house and humped his wooden horse,those times at McD,watching him banging those drums and also all those bullshits that he was good at..!joe,u'll be missed!get ur ass here asap!!
the other person to have left me juz couple of days back was the ever famous "Mr. Z4" ken..i've known this dude since my foundation times in taylors.being one of my closest frens then,besides pussy kenneth,we were like long time buddies although knowing each other for juz a week..
all those *ahemmmm*aheemmmm*molesting*ahemmm aheemmm* were juz part of those things we did to "bond" ourselves better..thinking bout all this did nothing but forced a smile on my face.i stil remembered the Moral Education LAN project that we worked on..traveling on his great mercedes,playing wif his BMW 7 series,talking bout trash and bout stuffs and about staying single till we all leave for australia..i missed those times..he was the one that coaxed me into playing pool and getting addicted to it..beating him and so as to get revenge on all those beating he given me on the pool table was one of the main reason on why i trained ever so hard to reach the level that i am in..all this juz makes me miss him..the only regret i have rite now was not spending time wif him after i left taylors..but then again,he'll be back in april(i guess)..so i think i'll juz see him then..
*dear mr. ken,if ur reading this,juz to inform you that i've yet to cruise on ur Z4 YET!and since ur not around, i shall take the liberty to take ur ever lean mean Z4 for a ride..i shall return it to u as SAFELY as POSSIBLE..GOD BLESS =)*
with my macroeconomics paper looming the day after tomoro,i juz realised there's so much more to study but too lil' time..i guess its now the time for me to get my ass away from this lab and then head back to the library where i belong..to all those ppl having exams,god bless and all the best..take care and i'll see u guys soon..
*to a great brother of mine who'll be leaving soon,take good care of urself.exams are here so all the best..i'll see u rite after papers and then we shall have a blst b4 u leave approximately 10 days from now..and come 22nd february,i'll be at the airport biding u goodbye..till then lets have the time of our life! =)*
Saturday, February 10, 2007
here's sum of it..
The True You
You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be together with you always, no matter when or where.
With respect to money, you save for a rainy day.
You think good luck depends on maintaining good relationships with others.
The hidden side of your personality tends to be reluctant to accept things as they are. And you are prone to think negatively.
You care more about world trends and fashions than you do about well formed opinions.
When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you will search and search until you find your perfect match.
|How You Are In Love|
You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.
You give completely and unconditionally in relationships.
You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.
You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.
You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.
there..i wouldnt have done all this if tze min didnt pull me back on9 juz to save on her phone bill..so those who's into knowing wat kinda true person i am or how am i in love,there u go..thats all that i'm doing and the lasts..
and for now..i'm off to bed..got things to do in the morning and i really need to catch up on my sleEp..chaoz..
p/s:check this out.. www.niamah.blogspot.com..
Friday, February 9, 2007
and the first time we traded smiles,
and after the first time we said hi to each other,
as a sign of courtesy,
where did i stand?
when we were formally introduced,
exchanged phone numbers and missed calls,
when we both texted each other all nite long,
talking on the phone for almost hours,
where did i stand?
when we both went out for the first time,
the first mamak we had together,
after all the movies we watched together,
not forgetting dinners n all those places that we stomped our mark,
where did i stand?
after all those countless jokes about the past,present and future,
after all those sarcasm we threw at each other,
after all those beyond hours of talks on the phone,
laughing at each other's stupidity,
where do i stand?
after all those emo sessions,
after talks on the things we planned to do in the future,
after all those complaints on all the problems we faced
and those bastards that are backstabbing us,
where did i stand?
after ages knowing you,
after knowing so much about you,
and u knowing the same about me,
would u blame me if i were to ask,
where do i stand?
meeting you was a great chapter in my book of life,
knowing u further makes it a miracle,
falling for u however wasnt on the list of options given,
but fell for u i did..
so for now,after all things that has been said and done,
all i asked of u now,is to give me the answer to the question frequently asked,
where do i stand?
i do not mean as a friend,
i do not mean as a mate.
i do not mean juz another coll fren,
i certainly don't mean as a brother..
so please,lemme know,
where do i stand?
in ur heart,mind,body and soul...
if the price to pay for the answer,
is beyond of wat i can afford,
then so be it.
for the answer is worth more than wat money could ever buy.
so tell me now,
where do i stand in you..?
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Pre-departure cam-whoring.. [p0oL3rBuOy],sean-y boy,soo-perstar,biggie thor
let's play spot the poserme n poster girl(now) of metropolitan.. =Pthe future malaysian beach models part Ithe future malaysian beach models part II obscene biatches!cooks of the bbq food for metrocamp.. =Pspot the poser part II...(need a clue?the lollies..) =)fuck-tardsthe humping-machines..the main actor and actresses of metrocamp..
*speechless*look at the guy behind me on the left..noticed his legs??=)
the pimp and the doggy-stylelesbo's =_="
Thursday, February 1, 2007
went for class today and it went ok..Juliana gave us all the info we needed to do our individual assignment and i really needed all these to make my individual paper a great one now that i've flunked my blardy test 1..thanx miss..
so then went over to the com lab where marvin said he needed my help wif the proposal for the MMEC treasure hunt..did it wif him and then went over to the library to try complete my blardy assignment..so yea..after that sean said he wanted to get sumthing for marco's birthday and so i tagged along..
i saw baskin robbins.. =P yup!call it fate,call it destiny!!it was there rite in front of me and i cant juz let it off my sight..so i tangan gatal called my fei por to see if she;s free..ngam ngam she juz finished class and juz got into her car..so it was up to me,my brains and my mouth to get her to have ice cream..funny..it was juz yesterday that we both realised we havent go out together or seen each other outside coll since we;ve met..so i thought this was a god given chance so i said to myself,"take it or it'll pass u by forever.."!!hahah..and guess wat!!after almost 5 minutes on the phone,tonnes of saliva wasted and uncountable words persuading her,she gave in and agreed to it..
i met her downstairs in BR bout like 10 minutes later(which felt like hours) and then we queued up for our turn!JD served us and i was so shocked that i shouted damn loud..even fei por was laughing non stop..haiz..fei por!!
then we decided on mint chocolate chip(which fei por said was her favourite) and i decided on cookies 'n cream after a long long time trying to decide the second flavour..so yea..place was packed to death and we juz walked into McD,got ourselves a drink and then sat down there to have the ice cream..
talked bout loads of stuff from a-z..hahhaha..and fei poor!no matter wat,ur not driving this saturday!!xP we'll just see how it goes alrite?we talked bout the way i teased her hair and she calling me low yeh and talked literally everything under the sun..was fun act..even after all those pinching and whacks*ouch!!*so after that she had to chao..i've got an assignment to do..adjourned straight to racks where i ended up doing assignment for about 3 hours,played pool for about 2 and did nothign for about an hour..left for home around 1+ after having mamak wif ceon..
i'm dead tired..i've two assignment awaiting me with the need to score really well in them*fingers crossed*back at home,i know i needed to sleep.i need to do watever i can to complete my assignment and work on the next..god bless me..anybody wanna start a peaceful protest on the assignments we are getting?? =) *peace*