life?

havent been updating these past few days due to the on going competition at Rack Cafe that began on monday..i was forced to join on the account of being a rack player..i did obliged to that..but the main reason wasnt the prize money..i wanted to prove to others that the Club7 competition i ownt last month wasnt a fluke at all and was done and achieved basedd on my very own ability and strength..it was also to shut the rumours about me being lucky form the start of the tournament..unfortunately for me,since winning that competition i havnt been able to hit peak performance.it seems like my game has just abandoned me..wel,thats the way life is..sumtimes its there when u dont need it,but when u need it the most i never does seem to be in sight..

anyway,my group started on tuesday itself..being grouped in the so called easiest group of all,the pressure was all on me to qualify for the knockout stages of last 16..i had my old time fren marcus lao from myanmar in my group,together wif another 3 so called water fish(in lay man's term-easy meat) and i need not even play my best to qualify..

going into the game,i was some what nervous..i had the fear of not even qualifying for the next round..but wif all the support my frens gave me,i put it aside...

i started off brightly,brushing aside my first opponent 5-0..playing my second game was where it all being to crumble..i dont know how i did it but i was able to win my second game 5-3..next game was against a "chicken king.."(in other words,he play his games based on luck and not on real skills..) unfortunately,lady luck was smiling at me and frowning at the sight of me..i was taking a 1-0 lead when the incident i feared would happen happened..the balls and the game went his way..i had a feeling that thing would happen this way,and was i surprised?no i wasnt..

watever he hit,the balss will juz run around the table and in the end knock the crucial all important 9-ball into the hole..not juz once,but 3 times..in the end,the final score? 5-1..nope!not in my way..his way..i lost 5-1..not to a guy playing based on skill,but on the reliance of fluke..i was pissed,dunt blame me..call me a sore loser or watever,but think about it,if this were to happened to u,would u juz laughed it off and take it as a joke??i wont,i was so pissed that i walked off the moment i finished the game..i did shaked his hands..dunt worry..i aint that sore..it was then i realised,in order for me to qualify for the next ound,i had to beat marcus 5-0 in order to qualify for the knockout stages..the chicken king qualified automatically due to the fact he had 3 wins(his last opponent lost all his first four matches and decided to juz go back home since i was pointless to play..) thus it was either me or marcus to qualify..all he needed to beat me or lose to me by no more than 4 racks(means 5-0 minimum)..wat to do?juz play laa..few minutes in to the game,marcus was already in a 3-1 lead..which means that i wont be able to qualify even shud i come back and win the matc..i didnt have the mood to play anymore so i decided to jujz forfeit the game..i know it may sound stupid but why continue doing sumthing if u dun have the heart to do it.?shaking marcus hands,he promised me he will go as far possible and then thank me for giving him the win..all these happened on tuesday..

today was the final,i was the referee and my 21-years old coach won..it was kinda surprised looking that he was up againstM'sian #4 player,also another 21-years old..so he bought beer,and being the kind hearted guy i am,i didnt drink..!wuahahah!ok fine.i didnt stay to drink becuz my mum was already giving me lecture on how i was treating the house like a hotel and all..so juz came back early and dektos was complaining and asking for an update so here it is.how am i gonna spend my christmas this year?i'm stil tryinf to plan my plans wif my frens and we've gotta see how thing goes..the only thing up on my calendar now would be another competition which would also be the last competition of the year for me..the Club7 8-Ball Pool Doubles Competition..i cant believe i'm saying this but i'm kidna sick of playing pool..maybe taking a one month break for my summer course would be a good thing for me..

btw,a new thing came up..it isnt exactly new,in fact has been in my mind for the past few months.a new production for my coll gala night..its the new Grease remake by me n my coll mates..

we had a get-togehter today to discuss bout it..we met Eddy,our director whom will prepare us for our musical..oh ya who are "we"?"we" consists of arthur,sean phuah,denise,ronald,matt,karen,melissa,and also shakti and me(yours truly)..few others couldnt make it tand there were also several others that i didnt know..anita and oso shah was assigned to help us in the process..one question that anita and eddy questioned us was about our commitments towards the entire musical.that question made me ponder.am i willing to get really committed into the musical?am i willing to give it 101% to making the production a success?knowing myself,i wouldnt commit myself into doing sumthing unless i'm able to give it 101% ..would i have enuff time to commit myself into anything at all?lets see..the first half of the year,i wont be having much competition so i do not have to worry..training wise,thats a problem..i need to train in order to be consistent in my performance..i also need those training to keep up and stay ahead of my competitors..so thats 1 up and 1 down..study wise,i've been able to perform this semester so it shudnt be a problem..the only problem,i'll be taking several tough subjects and i might need more time on my studies to keep up the results i had..thats another up and down point..how then?the ups and downs are both balanced..i dont know..this is my chance to really experience the big stage euphoria,sumthing i hadnt experienced since my schooling days and my time in taylors..i dunno but all i know is that i shud make mydecision soon..

sum1 tell me or at least gimme a piece of advice..i so need themm!!!!!

p/s:lately i;ve been thinking a lot about how i really feel for you and vice versa..and i realised that as day passes by,i need you more than ever..and my feelings for you gets deeper and deeper..when will it be the day that i will finally get to hold the warm hands of yours,feel and embracing you in my arms, and also hear the 3 words i've been dying to hear from your very lips to me;"I love You.."...will that day ever come?i need a sign..

pp/s:i'm so badly,madly,and deeply in love with you..all i want and ever wish for christmas is for my 3 wishes earlier to come true..